"Did you see 24 last night?"

In the words of Americas hero, Whitney Houston, HELL TO THA NO!

Today I would like to focus my attention on shows that apparently everyone watches that I do not. I would like to offer my expert opinion a few shows that I have never seen. So if by some chance you are sitting around one day and decide to shove a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's (that whore) pancake sauce in your blowhole and flip on the TV to see what these shows are about, then read on...

24.
From what I can surmise based solely on commercials and a glazed over wiki sesh, this program seems to be the most, absolute, waste of airtime imaginable. However, I kind of understand why Americans and illegal Mexican immigrants like it. It is for the folks with ADD. From what I can gather, it looks as if the episode is supposed to capture all of the events that happen in a 24 hour period. So, in watching 15 minutes of it with a good buddy of mine the other day, I found out the dynamics of the show. Once, every week, for only a day - the world burns down as the result of a force from God. Yes, you see God is testing Keifer Sutherland. He is his bitch. God makes something go terribly wrong for a day and it is up to Queef to save the day. I noticed something else too. You know how he whispers in a loud tone for "dramatic effect?" That is because God has him on one of those child leashes. It's choking the dog shit out of him. But you know he loves it.

Lost.
It's where you would be if you just started watching. So I think it is something like Gilligan's Island without that demonic radio. And while we are at it, in all that time, why did they not figure out how to build canoes? Don't the pigmy people still use those or something? Meanwhile, I do not understand Lost. So maybe there was a plane crash or something? Um, let me think... There is something called a flight plan. There is the FAA. And I think by now, as a largely civilized world, our cartographic efforts would have left no stone unturned. So where is this Island? I think it's in the middle of a gigantic volcano located directly in L. Ron Hubbard's asshole. You see that kids? Lost is just Scientology. You are one step away from jumping on a sofa and making the rest of the world hate you.

Grey's Anatomy.
Look at the title. How does that even sound like something you want to watch? Unfortunately, this is a show that I actually have seen a couple of episodes a few years ago. I am friends with these girls that, before the bar, had to watch that fucking - wannakillyourselfwithamercuryfilledsalmon - fuckery. American people have a false sense of reality when it comes to programs like this. If you think about it... American people must all be either Doctors, Nurses, Murses, Janitors, Patients, or Dead People. There are so many hospital related shows on television, it leaves little room for other types of jobs. Like say, Amish Methmaker, Geriatric Bodystocking Model, Cameltoe Operator, and Professional Nail Polish Taster. This show, based around one person, is why it is failing at the moment. Centered around that one bitch with the spooky eyes, that gets no headlines. She is as boring as her weave. Media keeps reporting on Katherine Heigl and T.R. FingerblastmeatKnight. Will they leave the show? Who knows? Lets NOT watch.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus 1 or 2 Plus a Stem-cell.
This is another show that is buzzing after a huge ratings surge. The media cannot seem to shut the fuck up over this massive family. First OctoVagina, now this shit. What is the obsession with over spermination these days? Bitch used fertility treatment to get herself all big as shit. Now, when people had that many kids when I was younger - they were called Catholic. Now they are called Angelina Jolie. Meanwhile, I get why their marriage is on the outs these days. THEY HAVE EIGHT FUCKING KIDS. I mean, would you not put a gun in your mouth when they all got Chicken Pox? Think about taking them to the grocery store... Or even worse, Neverland. Also, what is the hedgehog that is growing out of the back of her skull? If I were Jon, I would have quit that bitch from her first walk-in appointment at Great Clips.

Update: Apparently 24 is coming out with a movie. Are they going to call it 48?