The other day I was leaving a July 4th party when I received the following text message:
"Currently sans pants watching Lockup..."
I went home and immediately took off mah pants and settle in to watch Lockup. Only one problem, fucking Palin decided to resign. It's times like these that Lockup does not need to be on MSNBC, but on Nickelodeon.
So over the course of a few drunken evenings and hungover days, I have comprised a list (with the help of a few special fuckers) of things that are just more enjoyable without pants!
In no particular order...
- Mop (because why not? Careful not to get MOP & GLOW on your no-no.)
- Smoke a pipe (preferably not one used for smoking crack or Raid.)
- Snowboard (Just don't Sonny Bono that shit.) BTW, Chastity is becoming Chaz...
- Video Chat (just not with your mother or parole officer.)
- Work with clay (because those bongs don't make themselves.)
- *Watch Lockup (Raw or Extended Stay, doesn't matter.)
- Directing traffic (I would advise against this in certain countries, but if you are looking to get three meals a day, shelter, and all the fisting that Big Mike can give - feel free.)
- Judging people (it says to the victim, yeah - I don't have on pants. But your face looks like someone implanted 9 Blackberry Pearls in it.)
- Blogging or reading other blogs (I mean I'm not wearing pantaloons now... Are you?)
- Go on a carriage ride (If lady Godiva can spread her Britney all over a stallion, who are you to be wearing pants in the backseat?)
- Eat Sloppy Joes (well, I mean you are gonna get that shit everywhere anyway. Actually go ahead and eat that in the bathtub or gutter. Whichever you call home.)
- Have sex (we aren't in middle school anymore.)
- Paint a picture with your genitalia / ass (Valentines Day comes just once a year.)
