Things sometimes kind of don't fly within my radar... But when someone donkey punches my Big Mac, I take issue. Apparently Mayor McCheese and Ronald McDonald met late one evening in a glory hole and they came (haha) up with this culinary abortion. I mean, they could have at least put some sesame seeds on it. Look at this. Gaze deep into it. Are you weeping like a school girl after daddy touched you in your no-no squares? This one really made me pat my weave. Yes, you are getting two all beef (probably kangaroo meat) patties, special sauce (we've been over this before), lettuce, cheese (government), pickles, onions on a PIECE OF SHIT! The Big Mac... It's a staple that does not deserve this kind of treatment. Although, when you are driving and are completely special SAUCED, I imagine this form of Big Mac is ideal. But at least I wait to get home or jail before I dine on such epicurean delights. What Mayor McFuckstick and Ronald McBlowme need to figure out are a few key elements. First, "Our credit card machine is down." Excuse me, I call bullshit. I can understand if Ray Ray is coming by later and you need to make sure that you have the appropriate level of Sol Glow on. But come on! I'm willing to bet this problem never arises at a Waffle House. Betty and Donna are there all night for you while you make bedroom eyes at your T-Bone. And they give you a chocolate milk after you have smothered and covered the restroom. Second, if I want a McFlurry - why are the machines always broken? Look, I get you don't want to make it. I know you are just finishing up giving a dude a McFlurry in the freezer (adds stamina), but come on! I'll make it, just hand me some of those gloves and a hairnet. By the time I'm done with that place it will be so busy, you will have to hire the B list. And by that I mean some sort of prison release employer program. Look, I haven't worked out the funding but Obama has been making all these promises. Lastly, and this is on a whole different level of fast food in general... Who on planet Earth (this excludes Tom Cruise, the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and this guy) uses but one packet of ketchup? I mean, other than an Olsen twin... Bottom line, Mr McDonald - you are going in the wrong direction, sir. Instead of having meetings at rest areas, maybe you should listen to your public and stop hocking that damned McRib all the time. And by the way, bring back Grimace. He cannot be your dungeon bear sex slave anymore!
