Earlier I made mention of a one Albert Arnold Gore, Jr. Or, by his Christian name: Fatfuck McPuffy. Today I was sitting around on my day off thumbing through the channels when I spotted Mr. McPuffy flailing his Michelin Man arms gabbing about the 'ole Nobel Prize he picked up. It was the first interview I had seen in some time when he was not yammering on about the Oscar he also picked up. It should be noted, however, these two awards are not one in the same. McPuffy seems not to know this. While both hold a lot of merit, personally - I would take the Nobel over the Oscar... But I also want to own a Golden Raspberry statue sometime in my life. Perhaps the closest I will get is scouring ebay.com to see when Lohan is putting up her Razzie on the site. Though I suppose she will have to stop taking trips off the coast of Dykeachusetts to dive for Muff in order to get around to it. Meanwhile, back to Tubbo... My problem is that he keeps stating that the issue of global warming closed and not up for debate. OK - so can I reopen the debate if I throw a million dollars on a glorifuckingfied power point presentation, promote the holy goose shit out of it, and partner with the dude that played the retard in What's Eating Gilbert Grape? In the research I have done, the subject is still very open for debate. It is not like this is the first time in history the earth has heated. It can come from many different sources. I also would like to point out that people that cannot seem to figure out that the earth is heated by a giant fucking star called the Sun and his royal bigtits is getting bigger - thus, closer to the earth. So, it's not just us. I'm sorry, Al. Not everyone can afford to drive that fugly Prius shit. Most of us do not know how to go about strapping gargantuan solar panels to our homes. And what if you live in an apartment? Yes. We get it. Use less, conserve more. It is something that our parents teach us. However, the problem does not lie totally with us. So, if you see McPuffy on the street, walking in his recycled moose horn espadrilles, sporting an eco-friendly buttplug, and eating a portabello mushroom and Crisco wrap - do the right thing... Punch him in the neck and t-bag his fat ass.
Also, I would like to extend this post to discussing the need to save polar bears. When I am watching a 3 hour marathon of Cold Case Files, I don't want a minute and a half of bullshit dribble from some D-list actor talking about saving the fucking polar bears. Do not ever interrupt Bill Kurtis. It's just rude. Look, I get it. They look cuddly. We have all seen the animated Coke ads over the holidays... However, this is not the case. I can see why we would give 2 fucks about a platypus. Those fuckers are the comedians of nature. Every time I see one I get the same smile on my face that I do when I see some horribly deformed ginger child at dinner. Polar bears will rip your fucking face off, throw it in a blender, add whatever ice they have left, and serve it in a glass with a crazy straw.
I mean, I can't wait to make sure that an animal that will render me faceless has a fucking home to jack off in. I can understand saving something I can potentially pet - but when its ashes to ashes, I'm not fucking laying down in front of one of those big ass thundernuggets. Call Jane Fonda - or better yet, call Al Gore and let a polar bear knock his ass down a peg.
*While I cannot stand this guy, he does still sport an amazing mustache. His report is worth watching...
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