Who's about to get gangraped? None other than Mr. Bernard Madoff. Or just call him Bernie, uncle Bernie - or you can do what the people he defrauded want to do and call him Weekend at Bernie's. First thing to note - bitch is old. Bernie was involved in a Ponzi scheme at the magnitude that this country has never seen. If you do not watch A&E religiously like myself, do a little walk over to wikipedia.com to see what a Ponzi scheme is. Currently, Madoff is being "held" in his penthouse apartment in Manhattan.
Basically over the course of many years, Bernie managed to create the largest Ponzi scheme in the history of the world. His estimate is around $50 billion. The government says it's a little higher, but this guy is the kind of guy that is fucked - and he knows it.
How did he do it? Well, it was a combination of several things. Have you ever been awake and succumbed to watching one of those infomercials on investments? Do they say they have some investment that will make you rich? Is there a midget featured in the program at any time? Dressed up in a suit wearing hair gel? Do you see an unnecessary water feature or a Corvette anywhere? A Corvette you might ask yourself? Yeah, that is the "flashy car" they choose because it happens to be the nicest thing you can get at the fucking airport Hertz to rent for the day. If you are watching this, it is most likely a bunch of bullshit. However, Bernie had one resource midgets do not. Jews. Don't get me wrong, I want to make it totally clear that I have no qualms with the Jewish - I love them. However, typically Jewish people rely a lot on family and friends. They tend to do business with one another and Bernie worked the Jewish circuit. These innocent people believed this asshole for years. Now they have likely lost absolutely everything. Yes, I know... It is a bunch of rich people involved... Well, not anymore. For instance, the American icon that is Kevin Bacon had all of his Tremors money rapped up in Bernie's firm. Now he and his wife have what is left in their checking accounts and their houses and that is about it. So, If you ever wanted to be seven degrees to Kev - he might just be your bagger on the way out of CVS when you had to get that emergency KY Warming Liquid at three in the morning.
But it does get better. Bernie's two sons questioned what was going on and Bernie went ahead and inserted a corncob into his rectum to say, "This is a giant Ponzi scheme... a big lie." Then his two sons were the ones that called the feds to turn him in. His own sons. Priceless. They must have wanted to not be investigated since they worked under him at the firm. This was in an attempt to save their asses. But one has to wonder - when your family name is attached to the largest Ponzi scheme ever... I bet no one wants to do business with you ever again. So fellas - say HAY to Kevin Bacon while your at CVS cleaning the one hour photo machine and restocking morning after pills.
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